Giving Choices

Toddlers can be a real challenge. They want what they want when they want it. Here’s a concept that worked for me when my kids were growing up, and my daughter has perfected it even more. She was a teacher (first grade, third grade) and for her, this became a way of life: give choices that are acceptable to BOTH you and your child. When your two-year-old does not want to brush his teeth, his choice can be, “Would you like to brush your teeth with Mommy, or with Daddy?” Or with your four-year-old who does not want to leave the park: “Suzy, would you like to go home right now, or would you like five more minutes?” Of course, you’ve already built in the five minutes when you ask this question. I know this sounds simplistic but offering a child a choice as often as is reasonable is really a good thing in my mind. It makes them feel in control: “Do you want to wear the blue dress or the red dress?” “Do you want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or do you want turkey and cheese?” “It’s time to change your diaper now; do you want Mommy or Daddy to do it?” “We are going to leave the birthday party; should we leave in five minutes or ten minutes?”

The choices are always within the limits of what you want to offer, but they are the child’s choice. When he wants to play outside but won’t wear his coat and it is forty degrees outside: “Do you want to wear your coat and go outside and play, or will you go to the playroom where you don’t need a coat?” Remember, you must make sure that you are okay with your child choosing to stay inside. You frame the question so that you will be equally as happy with either choice he or she chooses. We have found choices are great, and we offer them as often as is easy; we are giving kids the feeling of having some control but, ultimately, we have the upper hand.