The Gift of Time

When you have a friend in need, it is so difficult to know what to do. When you offer help they may say, “No, we’re okay” even when they are clearly not. I find that if I just do something and “make it happen” without asking for permission, sometimes that works best. That may sound pushy, and maybe it is, but when you just show up with dinner on a Wednesday night and leave the meal on their porch with a note that says, “Dinner will be dropped off at five P.M. every Wednesday night for the next two months. I really want to help and maybe this will save you a little time”—believe me, that is appreciated. I don’t stop to talk or infringe on their time; I just try to do something to ease their burden.

Life is hard sometimes and “just being there” for someone you care about is about all you can do. So often people are uncomfortable asking for help, but if you are just there with a little note and taking something off their plate, my experience is that they are grateful. Sometimes I give a list of choices. Once my note to a dear friend said, “I really want to help so please choose any one of these, and let me take a little something off your plate.” My choices included: 1) a housekeeper five hours a day, once a week for two months, 2) ten meals delivered on dates she selected, 3) snow removal any time the flakes appeared, and 4) planning and executing her daughter’s fourth birthday party. She chose the housekeeper, and it was so meaningful that I kept it up until she was back on her feet. Maybe your friend has a new baby and is struggling with making it all work. Or your friend or her husband was diagnosed with a disease. Or your friend’s father is sick, and he is having to shuffle a whole new amount of stuff. I find the “gift of time” is the best thing I can do for a friend.

Some options include: babysitting; doing their grocery shopping; taking over carpool; stopping by each day at 5 P.M.to help with homework; offering to pay for a housekeeper or to do their laundry for a month; cutting the lawn or watering their flowers (for a month or two so they don’t even have to think about it); planting their garden; taking their kids to a movie, shopping, or to a sporting event; or driving your friend to the doctor.

Saving someone time by helping to free them up is appreciated—especially if you just DO IT without making a big deal about it. It’s always so hard to know what to do. This gift just might make you feel a little better too.