Creating Active Listeners

When there’s a failure of communication in a conversation or with a group, is it your fault or the fault of the listeners? I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve worked through an assignment with a group or with an individual and I think I’ve made my points, only to later realize that they got about half of what I was talking about. Here’s a simple process that works for me, even if it makes some people a bit uncomfortable. At the end of whatever you are explaining or assigning, just ask your listeners to sum up what you said. Most of the time, you’ll find you have to clarify again at least part of what you meant. Do some people think you’re wasting their time doing this? Sure. But you’ll waste a lot less time than finding you have to start over again a few days later. My teammates, my kids, my housekeeper, or even volunteers who work with me on a charity event are all used to this approach now, and in the process, they have become better at active listening. A simple request to sum up the request and on-the-spot clarification of what was said has become a fantastic tool.

Alternatively, let’s turn the tables and consider an alternate approach as a listener in a discussion where lots of information is being communicated quickly. You may want to proactively ask the person speaking, “May I tell you what I think I heard, to make sure we’re on the right page?” The end result is the same—clarity. But it will be on your terms.